It all happened so fast, yet it took months. A few questions, a few tense moments, and four years of marriage was wiped away.
I am now an ex-husband with an ex-wife. I never wanted it, I didn’t ask for it, but it is. I take full responsibility for the parts that are my fault. It takes two to make a marriage, and without laying blame I nevertheless refuse to take the whole burden on myself for a crumbled conjoining.
I’ve been reflecting on it all day, both my marriage and my divorce. I’ve been trying to recall all the fun times, the good times, the joy and happiness we shared. I’ve been trying to forget everything that broke apart, the bad times, the bitterness and the frustrations that drove a wedge between us.
The Doctor once said that “every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
I love my ex-wife. I always will. She is a very dear friend, a wonderful woman, and a very significant part of my last ten years. I can’t and won’t regret any part of that. We met in Papua New Guinea. We experienced Lithuania. We danced in Red Square in the cold of midnight. We drove across America together, east and west and north and south. We both hurt each other; we both loved each other. Good things and bad things. As much as our bad things piled up and led to a parting, our good things still exist, still enrich us.
I refuse to let this divorce define me any more than my marriage defined me. Both happened to me, both made and are making me who I am, who I will be. I will miss being married. I will miss my wife. I will be sad. But just as my marriage wasn’t forever, neither will my divorce be forever. Nothing lasts forever. Even the stars burn out and go cold and dark.
So what now? What next? These questions have also been on my mind. At the moment, I have no answers. I am waiting to see what life will bring next. I am holding my breath and I don’t quite know why. I can’t help but feel something else is coming my way. I am looking for new good things to balance the new bad things.
Thank you to everyone who has made this transition from married to single as easy and as stress free as possible. I have experienced such an outpouring of love and support from family and friends that as one stage of my life ends I know that many people will stand with me through every stage of life.
And if you are reading, Hannah Joy, thank you for everything you have given me. It’s made me who I am. I am a better person today for knowing you these past ten years. I hope to be your friend long into the future; I hope you find plenty of good things to counterbalance your bad things.
For now I have my pup and a brand new future. And it is enough.
I remain,
Phil Redbeard
a simple man 