What do you do when the world is crumbling all around you, or feels like it? Is that the time to give in? Do you forsake all else and focus on survival? Or is survival meaningless without the stories we tell each other to make sense of life preserved?
I haven’t done anything creative in weeks. Personal troubles at home, tragedy with a housemate, and the deteriorating state of things has left me completed drained. I can’t shake the despair. I was doing so well, and now I feel as if I can’t win and that evil is taking over.
I can’t ignore the pain and utter hopelessness exploding around me. There’s a bit in the Star Wars: Return of the Jedi novelization in which Luke Skywalker is hiding from Darth Vader on the second Death Star, trying to shut out his thoughts of Leia, to save her from the twisted machinations of the Dark Lord. And yet, at that exact moment, she cries out in pain. The text says that Luke had
“…no way to hide what was in his mind—Leia was in pain. Her agony cried to him now, and his spirit cried with her. He tried to shut it out, to shut it up, but the cry was loud, and he couldn’t stifle it, couldn’t leave it alone, had to cradle it openly, to give it solace.”
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi by Donald F. Glut
It’s a beautiful bit written by Donald F. Glut, and it’s how I feel at the moment. People are crying out in pain and I must give their cries solace.
But I have allies in the fight. Leia had Han, and Chewie, to stand with her. Luke felt her pain, but it wasn’t his to endure. He felt it, and then had to let it go. He quickly learned that to keep Leia safe he had to lean on his faith in his friends, and focus on what was in front of him, namely, defeating the evil inside of Anakin that was Vader. For me, my fight is against my depression, the despair inside of me. When I have a handle on that fight, then I can turn to help others in their oppression.
The Jedi religion focuses on letting go, on trusting in something greater than yourself, and in taking each moment as a whole in itself. The Jedi is mindful, calm, at peace. Not unconcerned, but aware. Ready to engage, but also still and in the moment. Cognizant of the darkness around but firmly in the light.
I want to be Jedi-like in my manner, and in my expression. Able to reach out and help another at any moment, and yet centered and free to be myself. The world isn’t actually falling apart. Things are bad. It feels, at times, that the Sith are winning, that the Empire has got a choke-hold on things, but as long as there is a resistance, there is hope. And rebellions are built on hope!
In the end, Luke only persevered, saved his father, and defeated evil by surrendering. I think for me that means I must stop taking it all on myself. That’s how I win, not by fighting what I hate, but by saving what I love. It doesn’t all live and die with me. Darkness is burned away by even the littlest spark catching fire. I light those fires with my creativity, my joy, and my exuberance for life.
If you need me, I’ll be communing with the Living Force, and clearing my mind of darkness. I will be reaching out with my feelings, and lighting all the sparks that I can.
a simple man 