First off, this whole post is ironic: my internet connection has been down since this morning some time. A technician came by this evening to diagnose the problem and something something new fiber optic cable needs to be run from a pole to…somewhere. I didn’t even know this old 70’s era house had something as newfangled in it as fiber optic cabling, but it does. But I’m typing from my phone which has The Interwebs because we are living in the future now. (It’s fun.)
I wrote yesterday about feeling disconnected from my hobbies, and how my life seems sucked up by work and school. Which it is. But that’s only half of the story. The other half of the story is what I want to tell you now.
Truth is, I have a good thing going. I have been lucky and fortunate to attend grad school, and to be doing fairly well at it, too. That is due in no small part to my wife who sacrificed to help pay for the classes, and who patiently lets me complain about professors and assignments. She, my wife, is great. It’s due to her working at the school that got me a partial discount even before we paid for tuition. It’s due to her encouragement that I keep going even through a rough class and an opaque professor. I wouldn’t have made it this far without her.
My wife continually cheers me up at work. She commiserates through the boring, difficult, and existential whateverness of it all. I enjoy my job, but nothing is all roses and cupcakes, and she, again, is long-suffering when I complain or have an arduous day. I keep going because of my wife.
And in my hobbies, where I have trouble, my wife again supports me. She helps me keep going when I am able. What I didn’t say in my previous post is that much of what happens is depression underneath the veil of exhaustion, and she understands that, which is rare. Really, I’m more mentally spent than physically, and it takes so much mental energy to go-go-go that when I arrive home, all I want to do is have it all stop. But that means no hobbies, and then I feel unfulfilled. It’s a wicked place to be in.
One thing I learned last year was to look for minutes to reclaim. I took a training course to be better at my then-Human Resources job, and part of that was to find time in my day to work on what needs to be done, and while doing that, find stopping points so that I could be interruptible. Along with Adam Savage’s example of stealing time that I discussed before, I have the training and awareness necessary to fit hobbies into my day. I lack the mental energy, or the discipline, to seize hold of opportunity.
That is where I need to improve myself. But I am lucky to have my wife, she who chose me; she motivates me to keep going, to not give up, and gives me space to pursue my passions of toy photography, making, writing, and reading and anything else I am interested in. I am very privileged.
While yes, it is frustrating to not be able to connect or indulge, there is yet more to learn and build up strength for in my life. I had a long talk with my wife this morning about all this, and I walked away with new insight and with hope that I didn’t have last night. I guess that is the season I have placed myself in right now: a season of learning.
I worked very hard to graduate high school and from an institute and a university to achieve my diploma and degree that it wiped me out for a while. But as Gandalf says to Bilbo in the film version of the Hobbit, “You’ve been sitting for far too long!” It’s about time I embrace the chaos of adventure once again, and come home “trailing mud and twigs” and awaken parts of my heart and psyche too long dormant.
This probably won’t mean that I create tomorrow, but then again, why not? Why shouldn’t it mean that? It proved difficult jumping back into class, but I did that! Why can’t I jump into a hobby or two? All it’ll take is encouragement, which I have, and a little determination, of which I have some lying around here somewhere, too.
So here I go, off into the Wild, with a humble thank-you to my wife. She is someone special in my life. I gain so much through her. May we come through trials together, and be better for it after all!
a simple man 