Well. We’ve landed. Not where we wanted or planned to land, but sometimes all you need is wheels on the ground. A few years ago my parents and sister bought a large house half an hour south of where my wife and I used to live, and they’ve lived together there ever since. That house has a few extra rooms that have been seldom used, and as soon as my sister heard of our predicament she reached out to me to say “you are living here!”.
We’ve been here a week today, and already it feels longer. We have settled in well, except for our bewildered dogs who are constantly asking when we are “going home”. If only I had a way to communicate to them the abrupt change we made in their lives and why everything is different. But really, if only there was someone to communicate to me the abrupt change in my life and why everything is different. I am still not sure I understand.
On top of that, the day we moved, and the week since, has been the hottest and most humid we have had all summer. Dog days, indeed.
Another house came available the other day, and while my wife and I drove by and looked at the particulars, we both agreed that we didn’t have the mental wherewithal to even consider the decisions and complications necessary towards procuring a house. While it won’t be available until October, we need time right now to rest from major decisions. If that house is sold in the meantime, so be it. We cannot right now, and that is ok. Our dogs have it easy with only deciding when to bark and where to pee in the lawn. If only my decisions were as easy.
As it looks like we will be living where we are for some time, I went through the process to change our address where necessary and fill out the new address enough times to already memorize it. We will be receiving new IDs in the mail, and whatnot. While our space isn’t large, it is more than adequate for now, and even a little comfortable. We shared a meal with my sister last night, and while quiet and unassuming, I think my wife and I both needed quiet and unassuming. Our dogs even begged for scraps a little and it was all so…normal. Nice, for a change. Things haven’t been that level of normal for several months.
I don’t know what happens next, or where we and our dogs will eventually land. I hope it will be somewhere with room enough, and a fenced yard for them to traverse. I would like a room for LEGO, and an office, and a comfortable bedroom and room to entertain guests. I don’t need much, really. All the same, I realize how fortunate I am. And really, we aren’t that much different from many in the world. A past job I worked was teaching English to Koreans. Many of them live in multi-generational homes, with grandparents and children all in the same dwelling, and sometimes, a dog. I think it is even more natural than everyone having their own home, which we preach so loudly here in the United States. Not to say I don’t want a bit more space, but our current arrangement is normal, too, globally speaking.
So what do I do now, while I am waiting for things to settle, for things to work out, for a house to become available? Last time I wrote, I mentioned putting one foot in front of the other and forcing myself to keep going. While that is still true, I think this may be more a season of putting my feet up and relaxing for a bit. I feel something telling me to wait, to rest, to just exist for a while.
Right now, while I am typing in the new-to-me office, I am watching the sun rise across agrarian fields. There is a pale pink and light blue in the sky. A gentle breeze is stirring leaves and flowers. A cow bellows in the distance. It is peaceful here, and I can see why my parents and my sister chose this place, beyond the concerns of enough space and a good size kitchen. I feel connected for the first time in a long time, connected to something bigger.
We won’t stay here longer than is required, but while I am here, I will do some soul searching, and try to determine exactly what I need out of a space. The last house I moved into was already established, my wife had bought it before we were married. It was a fine house, and served us well. Now we occupy space in someone else’s house, and it is serving us well, too. In between, I think now with space to look back on the last few months, we might have been forcing it a little. Rushing from one house to the next, barely stopping to take them in, flitting from one room to the next, hastily imagining ourselves living there. Certainly, some of the houses we looked at didn’t necessitate much looking (there were some truly terrible examples we toured) but some might have warranted a slower approach. I hope, the next time we venture out to look at homes, it might be on a more relaxed pace, and with more thought behind it. Part of the trouble we had this last time was the fact that we had already promised to sell our house, and had a deadline to move out by. That won’t exist next time round.
For now, it is patience and rest, and then it will be time for contemplation and examination. While slightly uncomfortable now, going from a four room house to one room in a house, I believe the time here will yield dividends later. And in the in-between? Rest. I am so thankful for my sister who insisted we be here, and my parents to support the move, and my nieces to fill the house with laughter and play, and room for the dogs to roam. I think we needed this, though we knew it not.
a simple man 