The Horrors Persist

The horrors persist…but so do I!

That’s a nice little slogan that is on a sticker that my sister gave me, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot in light of recent events.

Trigger warning: everything. Politics, hate, and all that goes with it.

The results of the US presidential and other elections last week were not as I would have wanted them to be. I have grave fears about the president-elect’s leadership. He has said emphatically what he will do and none of it is nice.

I spiraled into a deep, black hole since the night of the election and I stayed there for days. Even now all I’ve managed to do is push down the blackness and it is taking most of my energy to keep it at bay.

I reacted so strongly because I care what happens to people who are not me. I am not a single-issue voter, and never have been. I try very hard not to be “political” at all, really, because my entire lifetime has proven it to be more divisive than not. I have seen presidents on both sides of the political spectrum be elected. I have seen all sorts of shenanigans from presidents on both sides. I have only ever been proud of one, and President Obama faced much hate and vitriol just for being a decent man whose only point of contention is his ethnicity (and a tan suit, for some reason?). I didn’t agree with all his policies, but he is a man I am proud to call President. The polar opposite, in almost every respect, is our next president-to-be.

But this is less about presidents. They come and (hopefully will still) go. It is about the person next to me on the road, the person behind me in the checkout line at Tom Thumb, the person who goes to my parent’s church – people who I thought we were safe around. Now that it has been revealed, for all the world to see, that half of the people in this country (that voted anyway) support and endorse hatred, fear, indecency, and callous disregard for human sanctity – it seems that I have a 50/50 chance of constantly rubbing shoulders with someone who may want to tear apart what I hold dear, either personally or through elected representation.

The president-elect is only the flash-point, the permission slip, the disgusting head of the slimy serpent. He has proudly played no other role. But I will never meet him, never say anything to him, or have any interaction with him whatsoever. But I may have frequent encounters with those who enabled him. Proceeding in that atmosphere for four years (at least) has me suffocating on negativity.

But it has always been the case. During his previous four years in office, the ugliness emerged, cautiously at first, but then with much flaunting. Even back to the very beginnings of the “United” States it was so.

History lesson: slavery was the part of the foundation of this country, and the subjugation of black slaves quite literally built this country. Leading up to the Civil War, states were created as “Free” or “Slave”. Those wretched slaves were counted at 3/5 a person for purposes of “representation” in the House of Representatives for nearly a century. Woman fared no better, not having the right to vote or be autonomous from men until much, much later in our country’s history. So much is a small fraction of the history the president-elect and his acolytes don’t want told.

You see, this hatred, history of subjugation, fear, and evil has long been a part of the grand vision that is the United States of America. To pretend otherwise has been my ignorance. I certainly didn’t want to believe it. In my naiveté I thought it behind us, or buried so deep that it wouldn’t again be re-animated to the light of day. I was, quite simply, wrong. Such is my privilege. For that I apologize to everyone not like me that has continued to suffer attacks physical and mental, existential and real. I didn’t have to deal with it, and thus I felt it not. But this that will be normal again has always been normal for some.

Where does all this lead? The new-old president, the hate and un-love, the continued daily experiences of many, my own inner darkness and despair for what I didn’t want to acknowledge? The Good Book says this, and while I endorse little that Book says, I do agree with these parts:

“Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly” and “love your neighbor as yourself”

These sentiments I have always tried to follow, to endorse, and to live by. I must do thus with much more intentionality now. Nothing, really, has changed, except that our leader now represents that half of the country that thrives, or at least lives, on fear, hate, and discontent. While my daily existence might not change, I must work hard to right the injustice that I encounter, and use my voice for those who may not be heard.

Remember that person on the road in the car ahead of me? That person in the Tom Thumb line? That person at church? They may be hurting, attacked, and vilified for nothing more than trying to live as who they are, and they may need love, kindness, and someone to speak out for them. I can do that. I did my part to help elect a leader that represented me and failed, but may I never fail to love! May I never fail to be a light in the darkness. Granted, I have had to work very hard to find my own inner light these past few days, but that light no election can steal, no oppression can hinder, and nothing can snuff it out.

That is the end of the matter, for me: to live my life with as much muchness as I can muster, and spread that as far as I can. Everything else is out of my hands.