I have talked before about my desire to start a podcast. You can read about that here and here.
I am eager to begin, and the first step is acquiring the equipment that I need so that I can set it up and get practicing to work out the kinks and find a good workflow.
Unfortunately, my family has been hit with a ton of unexpected and expected expenses as of late, from car to pet to medical to pet medical. I simply don’t have any extra. So I got the idea to start a GoFundMe to cover the cost of the microphone, boom arm, shock mount, pop filters, and anything else I need to get up and running. Fortunately, I can use my existing Mac Mini and GarageBand for the actual recording and editing of the podcast, but the equipment is where I need to outlay funds.
After some research and help from my brother who has podcasted before, I think I am going to purchase a Blue Yeti microphone. I might even get ambitious and make a little booth out of foam and whatnot to deaden sound, but that will come after I’ve recorded a few practice episodes to check sound and background noise.
I already have a few topics selected, a few guests I want to ask to be a part of future episodes, and a few ideas for the year ahead. I am planning, if funded, to release 12 episodes in 2022, one per month. Should I be able to do that, I will then see about 2023 and beyond.
If you want to hear my podcast, and have a hand in helping me get started, I will thank all of my donors in the podcast in a “brought to you by” segment.
I am excited to get started podcasting. Won’t you help me?
I had my newest vehicle in the shop this morning for servicing. It has some problem which has been causing an O2 sensor to continually fail. Don’t know what that problem is, exactly. I get the feeling the technicians didn’t look too hard, but they also seemed to think they knew what the problem was, so they probably didn’t feel the need to spend hours diagnosing a failure which may not be there to diagnose. At any rate, after a new O2 sensor and an unrelated alignment, my car is now at peak performance. Well, it still needs two new tires and front brakes replaced, but one thing at a time. My car budget isn’t inexhaustible.
All this talk about cars prompted me to drive down memory lane. If I am counting correctly, I have personally owned 8 cars since 2009. First was a 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee, then a 2006 Toyota Corolla, a 2003 Toyota Corolla, a 2010 Toyota Corolla, a 2005 Toyota Corolla (noticing a pattern?), a 2003 Buick Century, a 2001 Honda CR-V, and finally a 2006 Toyota RAV 4. It is the RAV 4 that currently has the replaced but often faulty O2 sensor. We will see how long this new one lasts. Hopefully, if the technician is correct, a good long time.
I really loved my ‘95 Jeep Grand Cherokee. It was a V6, 4 wheel drive, do anything-go anywhere vehicle. It was already 14 years old when I bought it, with what I was told was a rebuilt engine. I never had any problems with it until the end of my ownership three years later when the radiator developed a persistent leak. Then, instead of spending a few hundred dollars to replace the radiator, I sold the Jeep. I still sort of regret that decision, but given the age of it, I wasn’t sure how much longer it would run without needing expensive repairs. Who knows, maybe I avoided a whole run of woe by saying goodbye when I did.
Speaking of woe, what follows next are a few tales of wrecked cars. I haven’t always been the most careful driver, and have had a bit of bad luck I’m afraid. The 2006 Toyota Corolla replaced a 2002 Toyota Camry that my former wife owned, and which had a catastrophic and freak mechanical breakdown one day while she was driving it. Fortunately, the failure happened at a red light and she suffered no injury. But the Camry was toast. Anyway, the ‘06 Corolla ended up partially bisected just before Thanksgiving Day in 2013. I was driving a bit too fast down a snow slushed hill with a turn at the bottom when I sailed off the road and into a light pole. It was a brutal crash, but I walked away with just a few bruised knees from where they hit the underside of the dashboard. That car was replaced by an ‘03 Corolla. My former wife bought the ‘06, so this ‘03 was only the second car that I actually purchased.
My 2003 Corolla was black, and quite a great find. I bought it on Black Friday from a local dealership for just under what my insurance payout was from the 2006. I drove that vehicle from Wisconsin to Texas a few times, most recently in 2015 when I relocated from the frozen north to the melted south. It served me very well, and I would probably still have it except that someone backed into it with a much larger SUV and caved in the side panel behind the driver side rear door. The insurance company deemed it too expensive to fix, so they wrote off the car.
After that, I again went to the dealerships in search of a new car. I ended up looking at, and purchasing, a beautiful blue 2010 Corolla, which was the newest car I’ve ever owned. Tragically, it was not to be, and this is painful to admit, but I only owned that car for a few minutes. After signing the paperwork, and taking delivery out front of the dealer, I rear-ended a car on the service road on my way home to show off my new-to-me car to my dad. Minutes from elation to despair. Again, I was ok apart from some bruised knees, and the woman I hit I think was ok. She went to the hospital out of caution, but I never heard that she was injured after that. Again, I found I needed a vehicle.
A great man by the name of Dick Bergman sold me my next car. It was a red 2005 Toyota Corolla I nicknamed “Red 5” because it was the fifth car I owned and because Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing starfighter was Red 5. That was a great car that I should have kept much longer than I did, but I sold it to save on the car payments I was making. I was starting to be in a financial decline that took me years to recover from, partly from bad luck and partly from bad choices, but I spent just $200 on the next vehicle, the ‘03 Buick Century. That was more boat than car, but it got me around until I lost it in a financial scam of sorts. Then I was car-less for a while.
Eventually I went back to Mr. Bergman, and bought a 2001 Honda CR-V. After all the Corollas, and one Buick, I wanted an SUV again and that was what he had available. Unfortunately, the CR-V had a host of problems from Day 1. I don’t fault Mr. Bergman for that, as he hadn’t ever actually taken ownership of the CR-V. He facilitated the purchase from another customer to me. Dick Bergman owned a small car dealership and specialized in helping low income families find great cars they could afford. Sadly he passed away from Covid in 2020.
I owned the Honda until this year, 2021, when it finally had a mechanical failure too costly to repair and I sold it for scrap. After that, my wife and I scraped together all we could, and with the help of friends, family, and the bank, I purchased my current 2006 RAV 4. It is a great vehicle, but has suffered from bad luck ever since I’ve owned it. It has that niggling problem with the O2 sensor, it needed a new windshield shortly after purchasing, a new key, and now it needs tires and brakes. At least the last two are standard maintenance issues that all car owners have to deal with. But the RAV 4 does seem to have had a hard time settling into my driveway without costing a fair amount of money right after costing a fair amount of money.
I do, however, hope to own this RAV 4 for quite some time. It is in excellent condition with low mileage, other than the issues named. I really dig it. But with cars, I am finding out, one never really knows what will happen. Accidents, mechanical failures, and old age eventually catch them all. And now I have owned 8 cars in 12 years which comes out to about a car every 1 and a half years, I guess. Though that calculation is skewed by a few cars I didn’t have but for minutes. Ah, poor 2010 Corolla!
What a journey car ownership has been for me! I’d actually use public transportation if I could, but nowhere I have lived has had reliable, or even extensive, public transportation. Busses haven’t had very wide routes, and I’ve never lived in a subway city. If I ever live somewhere that doesn’t require a car, I am not sure I will even own one. But that remains to be seen. For the most part, America is a country that built the automobile to what it is, and was built by it. Our love affair with cars isn’t going anywhere soon. For now, I will be careful when I drive, and try to hang on to a car for longer than just a few years. Speaking of which, I need to go get some gas.
I’ve stopped sleeping. Not entirely, you understand, just during the morning hours when I was wont to take a one or two hour nap. Napping has been killing my productivity, my energy, and my ability to Get Shit Done. The thing was, I felt exhausted in the morning, sometimes depressed or bored. So I’d lay down around 0930 or so and sleep until 1130 or so. It became a strong daily habit and has persisted for a year or more.
Before I had a chance to see my doctor, I talked to the other person in my life whose medical advice I trust. My mother recommended that I quit napping pretty much cold turkey, and try to power through. She also suggested a few lifestyle changes, such as trading my traditional bran flake breakfast for eggs and a bagel, and trying to get a little exercise when I felt fatigued. You know, to get the blood flowing?
My doctor then confirmed that my mother’s advice was solid, and also suggested I check in with a sleep doctor to ensure that nothing else is going on. I haven’t yet had a chance to see the slumber doc, but my mom’s advice is working like gangbusters. It has been four days, and I haven’t taken a single two hour nap like I used to. I did have a half hour snooze on Saturday, but in my defense, it was a lazy Saturday morning.
I started my new routine with the help of my wife who was kind enough to make a scrambled egg breakfast on Friday and Saturday, and I did feel like I had more energy the rest of the mornings. I have already completed a few items that have been on my To-Do list for a very long time. Today, Sunday, I have felt pretty great all day.
It is amazing to me, but I never tried to sack the Sandman before. Learned helplessness is, simply put, a real condition in which someone doesn’t believe that they can, so they don’t even attempt. I don’t know if what I have been experiencing with this sleep-full-ness thing is learned helplessness as clinically diagnosed, but it sure fits the circumstances of my experience. I’ve had a variety of theories as to why I’ve been constantly exhausted, and needing to sleep, and it frustrated me greatly, but I never even tried to do anything about it. I didn’t try to not sleep, and until now, I never tried to get help.
I can only point to my last post (read it here) and the feeling I had when I was writing it that I wanted to change. That feeling was so strong, that it must have triggered something dormant. Whatever it was, it gave me the gumption to try something new. I am shocked at how quickly the change has occurred, and how differently I already feel. I am excited for the week ahead and what it will bring if I am able to continue my new direction.
I am so glad that I did pursue getting help and reaching out. Sometimes all it takes is making that first step. After that, the next few steps are even easier. And then you are off and running. I may stumble once or twice, but that’s ok. It is about the onward trajectory. Like Samwise Gamgee told Frodo Baggins in Return of the King, when they stood upon the precipice of Mordor with the Plains of Gorgoroth between them and Mount Doom: “Let’s just make it down the hill, for starters.” Sage words from a brave little hobbit. Hobbits have always been known for their (so-called) simple wisdom, and I am taking this bit to heart. It is more profound than I first imagined.
Sorry, Sandman, but this denizen of dreams is packing up for more wakeful pastures. Overall, I think I will be healthier, more productive (something I have wanted for a long time), and better off all ‘round. Sure, the odd nap may be necessary here and there, but I am ready to swear off consistent daytime sleeping for good!
I’ve been real on this blog before. Just search for “depression” and you will find a bunch of posts by me talking about my long-term association with the range of depressive expressions in life. I struggle with feeling anxiety, “classic” blues depression, and lethargy. I often sleep a lot; I can’t find the motivation to do what I want to do; and I find it difficult to engage in my hobbies and artistic endeavors. It is extremely frustrating. For instance: today I took a shower and changed my watch band, and that is the sum total of my productive energy thus far. As it goes, that is a win.
But I am increasingly dissatisfied with how my life is right now. I want to do and be more. I want to reach beyond. I want to own my depression instead of having it own me. I don’t even know if that is possible, but that is my new goal here heading into the end of 2021. Already we are eight months into the year, and I feel I haven’t really done anything.
I have a book that I am working on with my wife that I haven’t worked on in a long time. I have a book of poetry that I am trying to compile that I haven’t touched since vacation a few weeks ago. I have a podcast I want to launch in 2022. And I want to get back into building a little bit with LEGO, photographing my Star Wars Black Series action figures, LEGO minifigures, and other toys. I have dreams and aspirations. I just can’t, quite, reach them all right now.
To be fair, though, in this year thus far I have beaten Covid-19, re-launched my blog, took on a second part-time job, and had a week of vacation. So objectively I am not doing so bad from a “macro” point of view. From the microcosm of everyday life, however, I am still coming up very short. Most days I do nothing, or very little. My forays into the arts come in large segments in short amounts of time. I blog irregularly, albeit a lot more than I used to (thank you, Bluetooth keyboard!). So again, I am not doing that poorly. But I want more. So how do I get there?
I think a good first step is to check in with my doctor. Maybe there is a medication adjustment I can make. With the sleeping, perhaps I should have another sleep study done or see if my CPAP needs tweaking. I want to make sure I am solid from a medical point of view. Psychologically, I feel, even with my frustrations and inability to act, I am doing well. I don’t have the huge swings of emotion that I used to have. I don’t have a lack of direction, and I don’t have a morosity or deep blue sea of overwhelming downness. What I do have, simply, is an inability to act, to get started, and to do. And I sleep a lot. (Damn! but that is frustrating.)
The good news is I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday. I have another side issue that has crept up that needs to be discussed, and while I am there I want to ask her about these other things, the sleepiness and the lethargy. Maybe together we can get a handle on this particular dragon and see about looting the hoard it is currently, ahem, sleeping on. I hope. The next step will come after that.
All I know is I have been beaten down and motionless for far too long. I want to get going. Hopefully with a little help, determination, and hard work (because I just know that that is going to be a part of it) I can get where I want to be. I am no stranger to hard work. Done it before; don’t enjoy it – but I can do it. If that is what it ultimately takes, I am down for it. All I really need to know is what direction to go in. Even if the going gets tough, as the old saying goes, I am tough enough to get going. (Hoo rah!) But seriously. I really want my life to change and the only way it will is to make the effort to change it.
If you are struggling, it is ok to ask for help. Help is how anyone gets anywhere. Sometimes it comes from a source you do not expect, or a direction in which you are not looking. But accept it when it arrives. Use it to launch yourself forward. Along the way, acknowledge what you are already achieving. Give yourself the credit you deserve. Just today, one of my heroes, Adam Savage, reminded me that it is a demonstrable fact that humanity minimizes success and overemphasizes failure. I have done it just here in this post. Look at how much I have actually achieved versus how much I talk about what I haven’t. So don’t do that, RedBeard, or anyone else who is listening. You are doing great! And can do better!
I head into the rest of my day with a renewed sense of purpose and a new determination. I can do this. I will check back in and let you know how I am doing, but for now, I am optimistic. I know the next step to take, so I am taking it and trusting that the rest of the steps ahead will reveal themselves. They have so far, so there is no reason to expect that they won’t in the future. As the late, great Stan Lee used to always say: “Excelsior!”
Life. It’s full of what we don’t expect and can’t predict.
Lately I’ve been fighting a few things in my life. Some of the them are life circumstances that have arisen. For example: after returning home from a nice week long vacation, I had to re-adjust to normal life and work. I started a second job. Then my dog needed some dental work. I knew she needed a cleaning, but a routine cleaning turned into a mass evacuation of her teeth on the left side of her mouth. (Poor pup now only has her canines and a few teeth on the right side.)
Then there are world things: the ongoing ongoing ongoing Covid pandemic, the situation in Afghanistan, half of a dozen political and social things I should care about in the United States, and, well, it goes on. Like so many other people around the globe, I am exhausted from living in a heightened state of emergency since late 2019. And today I found out my 11 year old nephew has tested positive for the Covid-19 infection. Too young for the vaccine as of yet, he is still old enough to be infected and, well, I don’t know. I don’t know what will happen. Obviously. But it is the not knowing, and fearing, and wondering that I’ve been doing lately about everything that is getting to me.
And that brings me to the emotional wilderness I’ve been traversing lately. I’ve been depressed and sleeping, or laying around trying to sleep, a lot lately. I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been creating. I haven’t been….anything. I’ve just been existing. Outside of work, I haven’t done anything. I haven’t even managed to get to the grocery store and restock groceries. And there is a widening gap in my life, a gap needing to be filled with expression and joy and good things. But all I have are bad things and an empty gap.
I need to get all of this out of my head and put it out there into the world. I need the catharsis of writing it down and sending it to whomever will listen. (Thanks for listening.) I also wanted to let anybody else out there struggling to know that they are not alone. I am sending this signal up the proverbial tower and broadcasting it into the ether in the hopes that someone will pick it up and be encouraged. As much as I crave encouragement myself, I know there are others who need it, too.
Realize that you do not struggle without hope, without companionship, and without an end. Someday, this pandemic will recede. My pup will learn how to chew without all her teeth. The rest of it will work itself out. Life will continue. It will get better. It may of course get worse first, but that is life. Like Bilbo Baggins says of adventures, life is full of “nasty, uncomfortable things that make you late for dinner” but sometimes that is just what makes up the everyday-ness of life. It can’t all be roses and butterflies. Sometimes it is rain showers and frozen mud. The Doctor once said that life is “a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
While this blog may linger, and I may not do anything creative for a while, and there may grow a gap, know that I am still living life. I am waking up, cuddling my tooth-deficient dog, being the best husband I know how to be, and going to bed to try again but better on the morrow.
Every single day I have been alive, the sun has risen again. My life is trending towards its betterment. I have endured some tragic, terrible, wonderful, euphoric things. I will again, until it all ends. I am invested in living life with all it brings.
Remember that everyone struggles; freely give grace and love, especially to yourself. Sometimes adventures grow you into a person you never thought you could be. Sometimes life’s pile of good and bad things make for a much greater existence than you ever thought possible. Where I am, the sun is setting. May it ever rise again. As you take your next steps: mind the gap.
From an airplane yesterday, I marveled at the modern world that we live in. The Wright brothers flew at Kitty Hawk in December of 1903. The first commercial flight was only 11 years later on January 1, 1914, which was 107 years ago. Since then aircraft circle the globe on regular schedules every day.
I was struck by the majesty contained in the principles of flight as the plane lifted off the ground Saturday morning. It isn’t a subject I know much about all, so I won’t try to pontificate. But it amazes me that a huge aircraft, full of people and luggage, can get off the ground, much less soar for hundreds of miles (in our case).
Humanity has dreamed of flying since before the legend of Icarus. Fortunately our metal wings didn’t melt as we approached the sun yesterday. But I did text a friend and stream a movie and play a game of Scrabble all from the comfort of my own seat 30,000 feet in the air. The thing about our modern technologically set world is that we often take for granted all the wonders that we enjoy.
Take the covid-19 vaccine, for example (and you really should take yours). It is a wonder of modern science that we can engineer a serum (which is probably the wrong word – I know less about microbiology than I do flight) that is able to protect people from a deadly virus. I don’t know how many people aboard the flight yesterday were vaccinated, but every one wore a mask, so there was some barrier against the continued spread of the disease. But I and my wife are fully vaccinated, and I was as glad for that shield as I was about the forces that kept my plane from plunging into the ground. Both protected me from death, and both are grounded in the same thing: science.
As I type on a keyboard connected to a tablet by wireless means, and then in a few minutes I will transmit my thoughts to a world that can read them, again, mostly without wires, I am impressed. Electrons, energy fields, vaccines, flight: all to a pre-modern person would seem as so much magic, but we can understand them relatively easily. Schools exist to teach science so future generations can create even more incredible technology for our entertainment, travel, and personal safety. In less than 200 years, we have flow an aircraft across a beach and a small helicopter across the surface of Mars. We have eradicated many illnesses with a simple shot. We can watch Shrek on an iPad from 30,000 feet.
Mind. Blown.
I actually meant to write this from my airplane seat, but the mundanity of the modern world prevented me. I was a little tired, the plane engines were loud and distracting, and I mostly relaxed by listening to music. But even doing that much is still amazing. I think many things have prevented people from feeling safe about the certainty that is the covid-19 vaccine. I am sure in 1914 that many people were reluctant to board an airplane as well. Music lovers sitting in concert halls listening to live music in the before times were unable to imagine listening to recorded music, much less on devices such as iPads and Bluetooth headphones. But humanity progresses. Without that, we would die of stagnation.
Think about that next time you fire up some music, go out in public without worrying about smallpox, or board an aircraft for your next vacation. Science has built the world we live in, and will build the future. And it is fantastic. I grew up without polio, the internet, or self-driving cars. I wonder what will happen next!
I recently wrote about my venture into podcasts. Along the way I ruminated on the possibility of starting my own podcast. That is very much a project I would like to start.
What would I podcast about? At the moment I am considering making my podcast an extension of my blog: a simple man, talking about what interests him. If you have any thoughts about particular topics to podcast about, please do contact me. I am intrigued about the idea of booking guests to discuss specific ideas. I think Zoom and some other conferencing software can record audio reasonably well, so that may make remote podcasting possible, a necessary requirement.
Speaking of technology, I need to research proper equipment. I have headphones, but I need a quality noise cancelling microphone to capture my audio, at least, right? Do I need a physical mixer? Do I need a pop filter? Should I do video? If so, I need a camera, or could I use my iPhone? All these questions need answering. If anyone has recommendations for tech, send those along. I can use all the help I can get.
The RedBeard Podcast
The above picture is my podcast cover art, at least for now. The equipment shown is from when I tried to podcast before. I no longer have that microphone or pop filter, unfortunately. Podcasting remains a project in active pre-production.
While I prepare the podcast, another creative project that I have thought about for a long time is being moved up into active production: a book of poetry. I have many poems sitting around waiting for an audience. I thought I would give them one.
I’ve been writing poetry since I was a teenager, and while some of those poems survive, they aren’t my best work. I started writing in earnest when I reached university and studied English literature and composition. Since then I have intentionally written many poems on a variety of themes. I have played with structure and form. I think I have enough poems for a collection.
I have a week of vacation coming up, and I’ve been thinking of beginning work on this literary project while I rest from my day job and other regular activities. I need to start by collecting all my poems under one roof. Some of them are on my iCloud Drive in a folder. Some are in the Notes app. Others exist only on this blog. Still more are scattered in a few notebooks that I have, somewhere. That will be a job in and of itself.
Next, I need to group the poems by subject. Given what I know I have, that makes most sense right now. Then I would spend time to figure out a theme and structure to the overall collection. Finally, the task would be format. I would like to include a little bit about the writing of several poems, similar to what I did with a recent one here on my blog. Doing that would result in a mix of poesy and prose, which is fine. Clearly there are many decisions to make.
Finally, I want to design the book and release it on Apple Books and in Kindle format, so I could place it on both Amazon and Apple. If I could figure out a print-on-demand service, that would be fantastic! I’d love for readers to have the choice to order physical copies as well as download digital versions. Again, I ask for help. If you’ve done any of this, and have tips or advice, I’d be grateful for any suggestions.
It looks as if the rest of my summer and my autumn will be busy. Not only will I be working on my book of poetry (due in December), researching my burgeoning podcast (launching in January?), but I am also helping my wife write a book (due in October) and working two part time jobs. But it is good to have things to do, especially for me. I struggle with knowing what to work on sometimes, and projects with deadlines help focus my energy.
I’ve often wondered what I have “accomplished” with my life, and lately two thoughts have emerged in my mind. First, life isn’t about accomplishments. It’s about enjoying the journey and making the world the best you can while you are at it. Second, people “accomplish” things at all ages and stages of life. My thirties are simply where I start in earnest. With that in mind, consider this my launch event.
As Of Yet Untitled: A Collection of Poetry: Coming Winter 2021!
Simone Biles. The greatest gymnast of all time. I cannot say I’ve been watching her compete, but I have been following her rise to prominence as the buzz about her has spread.
All my life my mother has been fascinated by gymnastics and the Olympic gymnasts. I remember watching the Magnificent Seven compete in the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta. Those were some talented women, so to say that Simone Biles has outperformed them is an accomplishment in and of itself.
But the recent news about Simone Biles choosing to not compete has some scratching their heads. How can the greatest gymnast not compete in the greatest competition of her time? It all comes down to mental health. A person can be in peak physical form, and need help mentally.
As someone who struggles daily with mental health, I can tell you that it is no simple thing to lay aside the thoughts in one’s own head and do anything, much less complicated, and make no mistake, dangerous, physical feats of athleticism. Some days I cannot even get out of bed, much less flips in the air and land on my feet without shattering them. Granted, I am no Simone Biles, but I think the point is made. She couldn’t. And if the greatest of all time can’t, and does the best thing for her mental health, that is something to be applauded.
Too many are too quick to judge her, or worse, call her weak for choosing to prioritize herself, her whole self, rather than compete. I do not understand those kinds of people. Who among us hasn’t struggled even a little bit? and those who fight every day understand the larger struggles.
I have been applauding myself for continuing to write on my blog, for getting things done around the house consistently, for picking up a book and reading, and other things. For me, these are sometimes Herculean tasks. For me, it is never a simple thing to just empty the dishwasher or take a shower. It is always a mental fight to get myself to do things I think other people can just do without thinking. My head is not always a nice place to inhabit.
Currently I’ve been fighting anxiety and fear, on top of my depression. So many “little” things have been going wrong lately that they are starting to become a few big things in the aggregate. Ordinarily, as I have trouble handling the routine, handling one crisis of any size is a stretch. This past week and a half has seen several crises arise. And I feel myself going under the swells. I’ve reacted badly at times. I’ve managed to make a plan to cover the eventualities, but inside, I am a wreck. I feel threadbare and worn out, and it is only Wednesday.
Why recount this? Because of Simone Biles. If she can prioritize her mental health over Olympic perfection with the entire world watching and judging her, maybe I can have the courage to speak out about what I am struggling with. Maybe I can have the courage to give myself grace in the midst of storms and let myself feel what I feel. I am certain that for Simone to give up gold, which she probably would have won, was not easy. At all. Who could resist the temptation to be known as the best at what they do? A true champion of the world. That is who Simone Biles is. I won’t probably be the champion of anything in my life, but if I can get through today, that is winning.
There is a saying about being “worth more than gold”. In this context, gold is the pinnacle of Olympic achievement. For me, Simone Biles won gold in Tokyo by having the fortitude to stand down from competition. I can win gold for myself today by doing what I need to do, be that sit with my anxiety for a few hours, or “accomplish” something. Because that is what it is all about: being the best version of yourself that you can be. And that varies day to day, moment by moment. Go out and win your gold today. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and in all other ways. I am sure that Simone would say it was worth it all.
My life is becoming more interesting lately. I’m allowing myself to branch out into various directions in terms of what I spend my time doing.
I’m hardly breaking new ground here, but I’ve gotten into podcasts. I know, a billion people listen to them and it seems like a billion people are making them these days, and while that sentence makes it seem like a bad thing, that is a great thing. That means that there are endless avenues of entertainment, exploration, and excitement.
I’ve subscribed to a few podcasts, among them are The Friendship Onion with former hobbits Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan, Gates McFadden InvestiGates, and Did You Get My Text? with Patton Oswalt and Meredith Salenger.
At the moment I’ve only listened to one of those. I am still dipping my toes into podcast listening. That is, I have listened to podcasts in the past, but only sporadically. I am still trying to order my time so that I have a regular podcast listening habit, and the one podcast I am currently enjoying was easy to jump into. I don’t like doing something else while I am listening, mostly because I find my attention wandering and then I am like “what did they just say?” and I realize that I missed twenty minutes of the discussion. And if I am going to listen, I want to do it intentionally.
Enough preamble. Did You Get My Text? with Patton Oswalt and Meredith Salenger is hilarious, touching, and puts warmth into my heart. While Patton and Meredith are married, and live together, they often don’t get a chance to talk face to face, and instead end up texting each other profusely throughout the day. They decided to be intentional about talking together and make a podcast at the same time. The idea of the show is them discussing their texts, but they often wander afield and end up discussing almost anything.
Did I mention it’s hilarious? Yeah, Patton is a famous comedian, but the podcast isn’t him doing stand-up comedy. It is just he and his wife being genuinely funny. They are also sweet to each other, and you can feel the relationship they have being carried on the audio waves. It feels like you have stepped into their living room and are just listening to them talk. But not in a creepy way: they’ve invited you in. You are sipping your beverage of choice, and don’t really have anything to add to the conversation. It’s great.
Their podcast is a little Not Safe For Work. Patton tends to swear, not in a mean, angry way, just in a by-the-way way. If you’ve seen any of his specials (I think there are few on Netflix?) you know what I mean. Meredith swears too, though not as often. Also, their podcast is apparently sponsored by a male enhancement drug, and the way they read and present the ad copy always makes me giggle. I’m twelve and they make the awkwardness of it funny. But just be aware, sometimes the podcast gets adult.
I am looking forward to jumping into the other podcasts I mentioned a bit ago, I just haven’t made the decision to switch them on. I think my evenings are a great time to listen, because I am usually hanging out with my wife in her craft room, both of us with headphones, and it is relaxed and quiet. I want to maybe work out a schedule. You know, Mondays with Patton and Meredith, Tuesdays with the hobbits Billy and Dom, and Thursday is Star Trek time with Gates McFadden. (Wednesday might become Book Club night. More on that in another post!) Weekends are always busy and I end up doing other stuff, so they won’t really jive with the vibe I need to listen.
I’ve also thought a lot about starting my own podcast. My sister and I discussed doing one together, but nothing has yet come of it. We kind of need to be in the same physical space to make it work, and need the right equipment, and it feels like an expense and a hassle right now, but the idea remains evergreen in my mind. I tried on my own, but only got so far as recording two and half episodes before I quit. I also wasn’t in as good of a mental space as I am right now, so that might be part of it, too. If you would like to hear me do a podcast, drop me a note and let me know.
I find my favorite podcasts on Apple Podcasts via the iOS app, but really most major podcasts are available anywhere podcasts are hosted. I’ve also got Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard in my queue, need to finish Still Untitled: The Adam Savage Project, and have yet to check out but am really interested in Off Camera with Sam Jones. Let me know what podcasts you enjoy, and if they strike my fancy, I’ll give them a follow and a listen. Podcasts. They are the 21st century’s idea of radio. And I’m about to tune into another episode of Did You Get My Text?
Welcome to philredbeard.com, proudly hosted at wordpress.com, and featuring all the content you have come to know and love!
I have purchased a new domain name, and a wordpress Personal subscription, to remove ads on my site and to relaunch my blog. I have started to write more regularly now, and for a while my blog was a dusty road. It will now be updated more regularly, and I thought it should get a new start to commemorate the occasion.
So welcome to “a simple man”. Inspired by the bounty hunter Jango Fett as featured in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Jango declares to Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi that he is “a simple man, trying to make [his] way in the universe”. That moment, and that idea, has stuck with me ever since I was 15 years old sitting in a theater watching Clones for the first time. Really, that is all I have ever aspired to be: just “a simple man”.
Jango Fett, a simple man
On this blog I share my thoughts about what interests me, I share poetry that I write, and perhaps the occasional short story. I am a creator and a maker, and my primary medium is the English language. I also take pictures, paint, and other things, but my “first, best destiny”, to quote Mr. Spock from Star Trek, has always been to write. And here you will find my public writing.
I have fun writing, and I hope that you will find something that you enjoy reading. You can follow my blog by submitting your email to the right. You can also drop me an email to the address to the right. I would love to hear from you!
a simple man 