Love of Words

I saw an advert the other day for an AI powered writing service: it promised blog posts for any website quickly and on-demand. While I would hope that it would be SEO friendly and have the technical side of things in order (after all, what’s the point of machines if not to make drudgery and technicalities easier?) mostly it just made me sad.

I suppose that if someone were to be running a purely marketing focused blog, or something where blind and abundant content is the point, then maybe such a thing would be useful, but for anyone else, I just don’t understand a bot writing in place of a person.

I don’t find writing a chore. In fact writing is one of the purest pleasures I have. I love arranging words just so, and making sentences to craft coherent paragraphs joining up to make something unique to present to the world, and hopefully fun to read as well. I love imagining that I am talking with someone, albeit a little one-sidedly perhaps. Writing is communication, a transfer of ideas and thoughts from one person to another. It is personable, immediate, and effervescent. No matter when I write, or when another person reads my words, communication is possible. The conversation can carry itself across time and space.

To replace that human interaction with a bot, a machine, no matter how sophisticated, would defeat the purpose. Until we have true AI, true intelligence, then why would a person want to talk to a robot? Call me no luddite, I embrace new technologies and machine shortcuts to an easier life, but this isn’t that. This is a cheat, a scam, a flim-flam. It is an advanced algorithm spitting out words without soul, without heart, without any real meaning behind them.

I grew up reading Isaac Asimov’s robot stories, and in particular was delighted by the stories of Andrew Martin (no relation) and R. Daneel Olivaw, two robot persons. The first was the robot who became, at great and ultimate cost, a true person. The second is the robot detective who solved some of the most famous murders across the galaxy. These are the machines I would love to talk to, to engage with, and to communicate with. These are AI in their purest form: brand new beings constructed mechanically and artificially, but who are, nonetheless, real intelligence (though R. Daneel might disagree with me). However, these are only stories thought up by a grandmaster of science fiction. This blog writing “AI” is nowhere close to these two mechanical men I mention.

I hid the ad and blocked it from ever showing up in that particular feed ever again, but with the advent of machine learning and these rudimentary “AIs” it won’t be long before more and more artificial writing services pop up and seek to garner money and interaction. Count me among the ones who will never use or pay for such a service. My words will always be home grown, purely human fashioned. From my mind to the page or screen and into another’s mind, without artificial intermediary.

I love words too much to sully them with the metallic taste of machinery. Far from being warm, soft, and delicious, they would smack of oil and metal and angles too harsh to swallow. I was taught that language, especially written language, should seduce and envelope the reader like a luxurious bed in a warm room on a cozy day. Writing should delight and entice. I don’t believe in spewing words on a page in order to merely create content. That galls me and irritates my senses, hardly a delight or a wonderful seduction. As long as I am able, I will write my own damn words. When I am no longer able, I hope to die in peace and leave my words behind for another to read.

To this end, I have taken a step towards what may be an ongoing community of writers around me: I have signed up for my first event through Art House Dallas. “For the Love of Words” will be held in a month at a coffee shop nearby, and is for and by writers. I am nervous. I don’t normally put myself out into new and unfamiliar situations. I don’t just go and do things like this. But I seriously want to write, and be a “Writer” and part of that is learning from and rubbing shoulders with other writers. I must get out of myself and into a wider group of people who are doing what I do: write. I have the escape valve of “if it doesn’t work, I can always leave” and that gives me some comfort. The event, while ticketed, is free, so I haven’t paid much out for this experience. But I am excited. I think this will be a good thing for me and my writing growth. Out of the vacuum of my own space and into the world of other minds focused on the singular goal of crafting the written word.

Of course, there is no telling what the future holds. I may fail at this grand experiment of writing; I may run out of words or ideas, or fail at making them communicate with others I may never meet. That isn’t really up to me. What is my domain is doing the work to put the words out there on a regular basis, and to toil diligently to shape those words as best I can. The results will either be productive or fall flat, but I believe that if I do my job well, something must come of it. I would love to make a career out of writing, to earn a living smithing ideas. I am aware that is more difficult that it may seem, and with the influx of writer bots it may be hard to rise above. Ultimately, I also believe the human generated word will become more valuable than the algorithmic essay. To be clear: AI is not going away. The robotic cat is out of the virtual bag. However, that only gives authentic artisans a greater chance to shine. Far from being an obstacle, this is an opportunity.

Opportunities are to be grasped. Challenges are to be accepted, and overcome. I’d put my sentences up against any fabricated conglomerate of phrases any day. I am not the best or the most polished writer, and that may be what shows me to be a real one. Computers are good at doing things perfectly, within their programming, but cannot, and I don’t think ever will, create with authentic flaws. And that is what will set human art apart from that of a computer every single time: the little imperfections that reflect the truest soul of humanity. None of us are perfect, but we are each of us unique. And that singularity is what is at the heart of human expression and what makes any person want to hear from another in the first place. Since my dream is to communicate well with others, I believe I am in a good place to do just that.

Blue Ridge Bookworm

As I write, it is the quiet of pre-dawn in the mountains of Pennsylvania. The only noise, aside from the muted thunking of my keyboard, is the hum of the refrigerator. The skies are grey-blue through the window, and the budding-yet-still-naked tree limbs, outside. I now hear one faint bird, off in the distance.

I awoke this morning from a deep sleep to ponder my future. I am here in the Appalachian woods with my wife while she is on a business trip of sorts. She is a missionary, and part of that job is raising funds to continue to work, mostly from churches and the individuals within them. I am here to support her in any way I can, usually emotionally, but also to meet people important to her work and life that I haven’t met yet. Living in Texas as we do, we don’t get up this way very often.

But my own work position is no less precarious. I was laid off, as I’ve written before, from my Human Resources position, and have yet to secure another job. I have been thinking about what to do, and in which direction to go, ever since. I don’t have any direct answers, but I have a few feelings about what to do.

I graduated university with a degree in English Literature and Writing (it was a dual focus). Mostly that is an unemployable degree, as I have found. Even were I to teach, I would need either a higher degree, or a certificate to go with it. On it’s own, it isn’t quite useful to be an English Major. Oh it awarded me several useful skills, such as the ability to write coherently and well, how to research and compile information, and how to be organized in the presentation of that research. But directly hirable? Not as much.

But lately a worm has been burrowing into my brain, a bookworm, if you’ll allow the conceit. This worm I cannot dig out without causing harm to my cerebral grey and white brain cells. This worm says to stop looking for a job and pursue the one I have: writing. I have many pent-up words just waiting to spill out, and this worm seems intent on excavating them and letting them out into the world.

But this new thought terrifies me. My wife and I are dependent already on the generosity of others. My employment was shoring that up; supplementing her support. Without my income, how will we survive? The bills still want to be paid, especially the mortgage, and the grocer, and those that hold the title to my car, among others no less important. So what am I do? Can I cease looking for outside employment and sit down at my desk to write full time, with no guarantee of publication or income? How could I ask my wife to shoulder that burden? I have already been working part time, and had no left over mental energy for writing, so I doubt I could do both.

But still the worm burrows, ever deeper, ever more entwined within the tendrils of my cerebral cellular network. I don’t know what do to, and I certainly don’t have an answer at this time. Only questions, desires, and a thought that won’t perish.

What I will do, for now, is branch off of this blog a new one in which to collect the beginnings of some of these thoughts. I’ve recently been reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, a book on writing and life. I read parts of it in university, and it is partially responsible for planting the worm in my brain (along with a conversation with one of my wife’s supporters). Anne strongly suggests a daily writing habit, terrible first drafts, and small windows through which to peer at the world. This second blog will be all those things. I hope. I don’t know. So much about this is unknown, and that, too, is frightening.

One thought I cannot stop is that this job loss is an opportunity to try something new, something different, and put everything I have into it. I don’t know if it will work, I am no prognosticator, but it is exciting to contemplate. So here’s a call: if you want to support my wife, send me an email and we can talk, but beyond that, if you want to support my efforts, be on the lookout for a new blog announcement coming soon, where you can read my terrible first drafts of thoughts and give me feedback.

For now, I have a few more days in Pennsylvania before heading back to Texas in which to deal with this little bookworm burrowed deep in my brain.

Best of 2022: Media

One of my traditions on this blog at year’s end is a best of compendium of the previous year. I got the idea from Tested, it isn’t mine. I like looking back at what I am thankful for, and what has been really useful to me, or that has found a place in my life. You can find previous Best Of posts in December of previous years.

This year I thought I would break my best of into two posts, the first for media (music, books, television, movies) and the second for objects (tech, collectibles, etc). I am also doing these a little early in December because this year will end with a big family Christmas bash that will last about 10 days, and I don’t think I’ll have time to write much. So here goes with Part the First: Media.

Moon Knight

In the realm of television shows, I started with a great limited series on Disney+ called Moon Knight. It is a Marvel show set in the Cinematic Universe, starring Oscar Isaac as the titular Moon Knight, a superhero, of sorts, who must contend with dissociative identity disorder. Oscar Isaac is one my favorite contemporary actors, and I loved his portrayal of all the alternate identities of the Moon Knight. The show itself stands alone, and isn’t dependent on knowledge of the rest of the MCU, which I enjoyed for a change of pace from the myriad connections that now exist in other superhero shows or films.

Star Wars: Kenobi and Andor

Two live-action Star Wars shows premiered on Disney+ this year. The first, Kenobi, followed the washed-up former Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi ten years into his exile on Tatooine following the destruction of the Jedi Order and the Republic at the hands of Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader. I love Ewan McGregor as Kenobi, and this year was a perfect time for McGregor, at the right age and physicality, to play the defeated and broken Obi-Wan. The show took an episode or two to get going, but it delivered at the end.

Andor was helmed by Diego Luna, but also included such stars as Stellan Skarsgaard, and Andy Serkis in a surprise role. Andor follows Rebel anti-hero Cassian Andor who the Star Wars universe met in the stand-alone film Rogue One a few years ago. Season One of Andor describes the origin and rise of the Rebel operative and the beginning to the rebellion against the Galactic Empire. Razor sharp, tense, without being too overly dark, and never plodding, Andor takes Star Wars to a place it’s never really been before. Skarsgaard has one of best monologues in cinema during an episode late in the season, and it’s one I want to memorize eventually. It was that good.

Top Gun: Maverick

Sure to be on the top of many people’s lists for movies, the sequel to the 1980’s action flick Top Gun arrived with a roar, and lived up to the hype. A vehicle for the mega star Tom Cruise to reprise his role as Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, NAVY aviator, this one flew off the screen. Enjoyable, nostalgic, cinematic in every way, and with a good story and great cast, Top Gun: Maverick is one I will watch again and again. Also starring Jon Hamm, Miles Teller, and Elizabeth Connelly, some of my favorite actors, this one will be a classic along with the original Top Gun.

Glass Onion

Another, well, not quite sequel, but second in an anthology, Glass Onion follows Knives Out from director Rian Johnson and actor Daniel Craig. A whodunit murder mystery in which Craig plays the hilarious southern detective Benoit Blanc once more, this time in a new mystery and setting from the previous Knives Out story. This mystery was every bit as engaging and intriguing as the first, and the conclusion I again did not see coming. My dad loves these films, and the my wife and I and my parents got to see this on a rainy Thanksgiving Day this year for a great afternoon out.

Fitch

Fitch was on my list for a while, ever since it debuted on Apple TV+. Tom Hanks stars in his first apocalyptic sci-fi role, and pretty much carries the movie alone, acting alongside a robot and a dog. It is heartwarming, tragic, and just a great little film. I compare it to the Martian, another film about a man alone in a wasteland carried by a great actor and a very real feeling setting, despite being a world we don’t quite recognize.

Spirited

A musical. A Christmas story. A comedy starring Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell retells, sort of, the Christmas classic A Christmas Carol. I was unsure of this film, and put off watching it for a while until I just sat down and turned it on a week or so ago. Instantly Spirited became my favorite musical. My favorite Christmas story. AND my favorite telling of A Christmas Carol (sorry Kermit!). The songs were immediately catching, and while I thought I knew how it would go, it surprised me at every turn. That makes a great story that I will want to watch every Yuletide from now on. Available on Apple TV+.

Music

Musically, I rediscovered The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit soundtracks, re-listening to all six this summer. Howard Shore is a masterful composer, and I loved reliving the stories through just his scores. I put it on in the car, and every day back and forth from work, I would listen. It was pretty great, actually. I found plenty of other music this year, but I won’t exhaustively list it out. Suffice to say: AppleMusic is a key part of my life, allowing me to listen via download or stream pretty much anything I want to find, for only a small monthly fee. Plus, I get to share it with my wife and parents, so that is a terrific deal for all four of us.

Books

Sadly, I didn’t read this year quite like I thought I would. I still struggle with being able to engage with and complete a book, but I still try. I did finally finish re-reading Dune by Frank Herbert, and I have enjoyed flipping through the Art of Star Wars books that have come out in recent years, covering the new trilogy, and each of the recent shows on Disney+. More illustrations and art than prose, each is a deep dive into the creative process that begins a film or show in the Star Wars universe from a design standpoint, be it environment or vehicle, costume or character. I particularly enjoyed the books for the Mandalorian, and look forward to the Kenobi and Andor books, whenever they will arrive.

Well, that rounds up my favorite media from 2022. I can’t wait for 2023 which will have a few new seasons and shows that I am very much looking forward to, both in universes new, and far, far away. Stay tuned for part two of this post in which I describe my favorite objects and tech from 2022!

The Media that Made Me

My dad had a habit of going to the public library and renting VHS tapes and we would watch them together on the weekends. On each tape? Two episodes of the Original Series Star Trek from the late 1960’s. I don’t remember a time before Trek. As I got older, my brother and I would wake up late at night (or was it early in the morning?) to secretly watch re-runs of Star Trek: The Next Generation as it aired on television in the mid-to-late 1990’s.

Star Wars, that grand dystopic space opera, is a film that I don’t remember a Time Before, at least for A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. I always remember having seen those. Return of the Jedi, on the other hand, I didn’t see until I was older, something to do with Carrie Fisher’s gold bikini, I think. The first time I did see it, it was with the first 20 minutes missing, starting as the Millennium Falcon and Luke’s X-Wing soared away from Tatooine. It would take a few years before I would see the beginning of the film. But it, with Empire and Hope, became foundational to who I am today.

Both Star Trek and Star Wars made me who I am, and I never made a conscious choice to watch either one. It is strange to me that I cannot remember a Time Before those galactic adventures. They were just always on, or available, to me. I guess I have my father to thank for a key part of my identity, because it was he who truly loved both, and must have shared them with me. It was my mother who thought them slightly ridiculous, in my memory, and would censor Jedi for the longest time (But I also remember her enjoying them, to a point, so perhaps it was her as much as my dad.)

Other films and shows would be introduced to me by my parents as they discovered them. I remember that they would watch things first, and then if they were good, or acceptable, they would watch them with my siblings and I. Some have become favorites that I, or the family, enjoys today, but none so invasive to my soul as the outer space tales. But why did they grab me so strongly?

For Star Wars, it was the story that captured me. The rise, and fall, and the eventual victory of Luke Skywalker always fired my imagination. His tragedy and triumph, the loss that he experienced, as well as the exotic side characters and locales that he encountered along the way. Star Wars is supreme story telling, in all it’s color, and grime, and reality most of all, despite the fantastic trappings of the story. Star Wars resembles my current earth.

For Star Trek, it is the utopic vision of the future. To this day, there is no world I want to live inside of more (with one exception*) than the pristine Starfleet as a part of the mighty Federation. The sheer hubris of their goodwill, good intentions, and desire to love and accept all, and shepherd all to be their better selves. That is a future I despair of seeing made reality, because, it is at once too perfect, and too distant, as my current earth is too far from becoming. But I believe that it can be, that humanity has the potential to one day not only sail the stars, but to be that good. Star Trek resembles a future earth that I want to inhabit.

There are two other franchises that became central to me, and the first, chronologically, that I encountered was The Lord of the Rings, and later The Hobbit, as helmed by visionary Peter Jackson. My mother certainly did give me JRR Tolkien’s vision of a world from a distant past, as when she heard of the films, she took me straightaway to the library to check out the books first. But simultaneous was my experience with Tolkien’s words and Jackson’s films. The themes, characters, and struggles of Middle Earth hit me when I was beginning my descent into depression, and so often the hardiness of hobbits became my own. If Bilbo could walk the goblin tunnels and spar with Smaug, if Frodo and Sam could march into Gorgoroth, while Merry and Pippin roused the Ents, then I, too, could endure the breaking of my mind. I’ve carried hobbits with me ever since, as an inner source of strength.

Finally, the microcosm that is *Firefly is the only other world I want to live in. I encountered Serenity and Malcom Reynolds when I was at college. A group of friends and I watched the film Serenity, and when I learned it was based on a show, albeit a tragically short one, I immediately found it and watched it over two days. I want to be a crew member aboard Serenity, pulling heists and sharing life, and aiming to misbehave. When I was going through dark times, away from family and friends, I would watch Firefly and it felt like being with friends who were family, and I still feel that way every time I watch through that series. I can’t think of a reason why anyone would want to leave Serenity, once they have boarded her.

I suppose it’s telling that the only prop replicas I possess are Gimli’s axe, Bilbo and Frodo’s Sting, Thorin’s Key to Erebor, Malcom’s pistol, and the Mandalorian’s camtono. I now find it astonishing that I don’t own any Star Trek props, and need to remedy that as soon as possible. But these are the media that made me who I am today: Star Trek, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Firefly. Other shows and films delight me, and I enjoy them and find meaning in them, but these four are core to my being. I will always love them the most, and never tire of watching them again and again.

We are all amalgams of the media that made us, and I am so glad to have been given such rich treasures as these. After all, humanity has been telling stories from the beginnings of memory, and we all wouldn’t be who we are without stories to tell, to listen to, and to learn from. Stories are humanity’s spirit, I believe, transferred from one generation to the next, to embody the best parts of ourselves for others to take in and manifest.

It is difficult to express further how and why two tv shows and two movies have embedded themselves as strongly as these have. But I am forever who I am because of them entering my life. Two before I ever remember a time without, one because my mother insisted I take it in, and one because I searched it out for myself. I am so glad that I have this media to enjoy, and to remember most of all. For when I think I am alone, I have the familiarity of Serenity; when I think the world is too far gone, I have the hope of the Enterprise; when I struggle, I have the Fellowship; and when I want to overcome, I can jump aboard an X-Wing. A man could do for worse companions in life than Reynolds, Picard, Gamgee, and Skywalker.

September Sound-Off

I’ve just finished watching Apple’s fall keynote, and if I were a wilderness explorer or pro photographer on a budget, I would be ecstatic about the new Apple product lineup. As I am neither of those things, I found the announcements iterative. That is actually saying a lot, but no one seems to notice anymore.

I remember when the first ever iPhone was announced in 2007. Itself a quantum leap above handheld, and other, computing at the time, here 15 years later with the iPhone 14, the leap forward is objectively jaw-dropping but it has become so routinely predictable as to be merely “iterative”. That doesn’t stop it from being amazing, however. A combination of limited resources and no iPhone 14 Mini will keep me from upgrading (seriously, I don’t want a huge iPhone), but what they offer is still impressive.

In other Apple product news, the AirPods Pro 2 and Apple Watch 8, I have the previous generations of both, so I won’t be upgrading there either, but I do love some of the features of the Apple Watch Ultra, and hope they eventually make their way to a more affordable Apple Watch in the future. At any rate, software is the other half of the hardware picture, and while not directly announced during the keynote, new software updates will be available soon across all products, and that will bring plenty of new features and functionality for free. Color me excited. Speaking of which, put me down for an eventual Starlight iPhone. While not exactly white, it bespeaks Apple Classic to me, and when I finally upgrade my blue iPhone 12 Mini, I want something classic.

To a product I did purchase just about two months ago: my mattress. It has been a great upgrade from the old one we had (now gone in bulk trash pickup). My wife and I both enjoy sleeping and lounging on it, as does our dog Cassie. It is comfortable and supportive, and were it any more of either, it would be a fantastic therapist. Anyway, I am just happy to have something that doesn’t sag and destroy my back each night I sleep. I am ready to call it worth the funds we spent on it.

Speaking of spending money, our new water heater has been doing exactly what it should, and without complaint, and all’s well as ends well there, I suppose. The summer is becoming fall, in season if not in weather in north Texas, and with it things seem to almost be settling back down from the Week of Hell I spoke of awhile back. Football season starts on Sunday, the baseball playoffs begin in a few weeks, and I’ve already decorated for Fallowe’en. Almost. I’ve yet to create a painting I want to use for the final decoration. Fear of not fulfilling my vision keeps me from beginning that project, but it is a fear I think I will soon overcome.

Keeping a reading journal has got me reading a few nights a week now, and I’ve almost finished reading Dune (Frank Herbert) and am already contemplating starting something by JRR Tolkien or maybe Shoeless Joe (WP Kinsella). I am not sure, but am super glad that reading is once again part of my life. I’ve missed diving into a book, even if only for about 30 minutes a day. A far cry from when I could read for hours, but reading is reading and I won’t gatekeep myself.

I watched Dune the other night, the latest version by Denis Villeneuve, and with one or two quibbles, it remains a fantastic adaptation of the first part of the book. I eagerly await the next chapter in the film series. I still have other shows and films I want to view, but I’m in no rush.

What was a rush was finally buying a new LEGO set: Obi-Wan’s Jedi Starfighter from Star Wars: Episode II. I owned the first version that came out many years ago, and this updated construction is a worthy improvement in many ways. I enjoyed the build, and it looks great on my LEGO shelf next to the AT-AT Walker from Star Wars: Episode V. I realized two things: one, I didn’t have any sets representing Attack of the Clones, and two, for too long I was considering LEGO only as something I could photograph, and not something I could enjoy for its own sake. Buying this set was all of the second and none of the first, and it brought pleasure on that level. I look forward to my next builds, which should arrive tomorrow (what could they be??).

Tomorrow is another day, and I am looking forward to living it exuberantly, which may be a challenge. My wife’s income varies due to the nature of her work, and this month was lower than expected, which puts paying bills and affording necessities at a bit of puzzle to be solved. However, considering what we’ve been through and how big needs have been met this past summer, I think we will be ok. But it is still scary to look at a new month and wonder how we will, in fact, make it through. As Sam Gamgee would say “Let’s just make it down the hill, for starters.”

That catches me up from July to September in things I have been writing about. It has been an eventful few months, and the rest of the year looks to be no different, though I do hope it will be calmer overall. I am looking forward to the holiday season in 2022, and what it, too, may bring. Today has been a relatively good day, despite the bit of bad news this morning regarding income, but for now I’m settling down with a baseball game between my Cleveland Guardians and the Kansas City Royals. Go Guards!

The Magnificent Seven

I saw that a friend of my brother’s, Adam Volle, posted about his seven favorite books. It was an old Facebook challenge, and anyway go read his post and then come back here.

Back? Great. I am doing it myself. I was inspired, and thinking about my seven favorite books has got me really wanting to read all of them again. I have read these seven (twelve?) many, many times. I haven’t read most of them in a while.

I don’t read as much. I used to read voraciously. I know it’s cliche to say it that way, but it’s true. I did. Now I can’t focus, or something, and so don’t read hardly at all. I find it a tragedy. But these books started it all for me.

Star Wars by Various

This is really three books, because forever I’ve had the one volume that collects Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi into one. I know these are novelizations based on screenplays, but they exist as a bit of literature nonetheless. I love the character studies that emerge in Jedi, the diction in Star Wars, and I can’t beat the story of Empire. In all, I’ve read this three-in-one more than any other in this list.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne

My first science fiction novel. Jules Verne was my gateway drug, my first love, and my first deep dive (ahem) into a vast new world. I wore the cover off my copy and recently hunted down and bought a new version of the same book because I love the translation from the French. I’ve read other translations, but that one was the one that first entranced me, so I’ll always prefer it. (The cover art I’m showcasing here is similar, but I don’t think it’s the same translation as what I’ve mentioned, and mine didn’t have the introduction by Ray Bradbury).

Outcast of Redwall by Brian Jacques

The Redwall series is formulaic, predictable, and hella fun. In this story, Jacques subverts a lot of his own paradigms. For me, that makes it worth mentioning above every other book in the series. The reason why I keep coming back to this story, even more so than Martin the Warrior (the first Redwall novel I read) is the central friendship between the main two characters. Their bond transcends life and death and it gets me every time. The cover art I am showing is the back of the book, and I would frame this art if I could find it large enough.)

The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien

I was late to the work and world of Tolkien. It wasn’t until the films were about to come out, long about 2000, that my mom (who wouldn’t let me read Harry Potter because witchcraft and wizards) suddenly wanted me to read about wizards and hobbits and magic. Go figure. Anyway, I was hooked for life. I read them once every year since 2000 until about a few years after college, when I stopped being able to concentrate on reading so well. But I want to inject Tolkien into my veins. Since I can’t do that, I have it tattooed on my arms, but these books always rank high for me. (By the way, I know I am sneaking four books into one, but they really are one long, long story. So I think it counts, especially if the Star Wars trilogy counts as one. Which it does.)

Shoeless Joe by WP Kinsella

There are few things more magical to me than baseball. This novel catches all of that in one volume. I haven’t read it in years, but it’s on my bedside table because I want to read it again so badly. Alas. But I’ll keep a special place in my heart for Joe and Iowa.

I, Robot by Isaac Asimov

Once I branched out from the Star Wars Expanded Universe (Legacy) I started to read my dad’s collection of Isaac Asimov. First among them was I, Robot, which is a collection of short stories about robots. I know, pretty obvious. Seeing as Asimov is a master of science fiction, it’s ok to be a little on the metal nose. Anyway, these are hilarious, thought provoking and sometimes truly sublime stories, and all somehow about a strong female character that is the great robopsychologist Dr. Susan Calvin. In a world dominated by men, she made them listen to her, and that always stayed with me.

Dune by Frank Herbert

Yes, it is now a major motion picture (again, but let’s not go back to 1984 shall we?) but I read it way before I watched the 1984 film, and have really dug this weird and ecologically religious story. It addicts me every time I read it and I can’t quit it. This book, as much as the others on this list, fundamentally transformed the way I think.

And there you have it: my magnificent seven. Honorable mentions include Moby-Dick, The Martian, Around the World in 80 Days, Ender’s Game, Frankenstein, The Mystery of the Stuttering Parrot, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM, and, well, I could go on.

I really need to solve this focus problem and get reading again. It is very frustrating to not be able to do the one thing I loved above all else once upon a time.

The Poet Within

Previously today I wrote about wanting to write more poetry. Today I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a notebook for my poetical playings. On the cover it says “In the midst of our lives, we must find the magic that makes our souls soar.” This for me is the perfect quote. It is exactly what I want to do: in the midst of my depression, find something that can make my soul soar and make me able to be creative and maybe, just maybe, a little bit happy.

Today I was able to do this. I found my notebook, bought it, and then found a quiet corner of B&N and sat down and worked through the first chapter of Ode Less Traveled. Fry, the author, introduced meter and iambic pentameter in particular. The exercises involved identifying iambic pentameter and the stresses in each line and then writing some iambs of my own. It was a little difficult as I am a bit rusty and unused to writing in formal meter, but I had fun. As a result, I even wrote a couple little poems. They aren’t spectacular or amazing, but they are written in iambic pentameter, an accomplishment for me. Enjoy!

The Books All Sit

The books all sit upon the shelves in rows
and wait for some to come and buy their souls
they speak with many words and some with songs
of joy or sorrowful they weep and cry
the words all run and wash away today
oh please, won’t you buy one to save its life?

Down and Out

My pencil is not full of lead or ink
but it is running out of writing steam
eraser is a nub and now I need
a new pencil to write, unwrite these lines
of poetry and nonsensical lines

That, as they say, is That. The Poet Within is coming free. 

The Ode Less Travelled

Recently I have been floundering, awash in a sea of self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-not-going-anywhereness. These are symptoms of depression and part and parcel with a life lived with anxiety. The depressed individual often finds simple tasks difficult, and finds it difficult to do anything of any import. That has certainly been me.

But lately I have wanted to break free, to really lurch forward, and make a road for myself. I wrote previously about Joss Whedon, and that somehow he found the time while filming the Avengers 2 to write a simple little folk song called “Big Giant Me”, and is collaborating with the artist who performed it to produce an EP. If Whedon can find time and energy like that, surely I, in the midst of my depression and social anxiety, can find time to make my own road.

To that end I have blown the dust off a book I picked up in college entitled The Ode Less Traveled: Unlocking the Poet Within by Stephen Fry (and yes, the Stephen Fry of staggering Twitter celebrity, of Jeeves and Wooster, of A Bit of Fry and Laurie, and of V for Vendetta and the Hobbit trilogy). In this book, Fry helps the gentle novice explore the world of poetry from beginning to villanelle.

I consider myself more than a novice in the poetical world, but the truth is, I write mainly free verse, and I’ve never labored to master meter or many poetical forms. This is something that I would like to remedy. I would like to explore and push myself to learn and to obey the rules as the masters of the craft have done. Maybe I will still mainly write free verse, but I would like to know that I have done what I can to learn the ropes, as it were.

To that end, I will work through the Ode Less Travelled with Stephen Fry and learn what I can. When I am depressed and anxious, hopefully I can push myself to create just a little. Having a guide and a path easily marked usually helps the depressed individual move along, and the Ode Less Travelled should be such a guide and a path for me. Whatever else I may be, I want to be a poet. Perhaps I can unlock my Poet Within.

I tell you about it because I have a need to share most things, and because I want this to be real. I will be sharing what I write with the world, and I am starting at the beginning. Thus far I have mastered the introduction and end user agreement of the book. Well, almost. Mr. Fry wants his readers to have a notebook to keep with them always, as well as writing utensils, and I think buying a new notebook and new pencils will make this somewhat more real to me. To that end I must do something else I am loathe to do: enter the world of men and move around, but I think I will head to Barnes and Noble, a place certain to have what I need, and also a quieter place in the wide loudness of the world.

So pray with me, as I pray to the universe, to allow me this small breakthrough of my depression, that it may lead to greater and bigger things, or a least a little poetry.

Batman and Psychology (2012) by Dr. Travis Langley

“Madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push.” – the Joker, The Dark Knight 

Batman and Psychology
Batman and Psychology

Batman is one year removed from his 75th anniversary (as of 2013). First glimpsed in the shadows of 1939, Bruce Wayne’s alter ego is arguably the second most well know “super” hero, second only to his DC Comics colleague Superman. He is ubiquitous. Batman is as popular as Star Wars, as multi-generational as rock and roll, and as intricate as quantum physics. First appearing in comic books, Batman has stalked through newspaper strips, novels, television shows, movies, video games, and he even guest starred on one of Superman’s radio shows. What accounts for this incredible longevity and popularity? Probably the fact that Batman is no super hero. He is as human as any of us, he is unaltered by any fantastical phenomenon or alien technology. Unlike his Marvel counterpart, Iron Man, Batman does not rely on any implanted technology. Where Tony Stark achieves his crime fighting skills through a combination of dash and design, Bruce Wayne endures by way of discipline and hard work. Both men are multi-billionaires, both are geniuses, both wear elaborate suits, but where Tony fails to match Batman is in Batman’s sheer determination. Ultimately, Iron Man is unreachable. It would be impossible to recreate Tony Stark’s suit of armor, based as it is on fictional science technologies. Batman, however, remains within the grasp of any one of us. Given enough money, and the requisite stamina, anybody could become Batman. It wouldn’t be easy, but it could be done. And, where Tony Stark suffers from a medical condition that makes most of his tech necessary, regardless of its applications, Bruce Wayne suffers from grief and chooses freely to be Batman.

Given nearly 75 years of history and development, Batman, while fictional, is as fascinating as any living, breathing human being. Batman is an avatar of the human condition. Despite the seemingly outlandish nature of his universe, ultimately the character is as grounded in reality as anyone. Struggling with pain, loss, and anger and fighting madness and the darker impulses Batman catwalks across the night, riddling out the bad jokes of life and death. Obstacles that are the bane of happiness are foes to be crushed by a hero. Investigating the bat-detective, then, yields clues to our own psyches.

Fortunately, an actual student of the human condition has delved into the bat cave and emerged with a few answers and observations. Dr. Travis Langley, tenured professor of psychology at Henderson State University, is a bit of a nerd. Having been fascinated by the Batman his whole life, he recently published the only psychological exploration of the character that exists today: Batman and Psychology: A Dark and Stormy Knight. Fittingly, Langley is known as a superherologist*, one who studies super heroes.

Batman and Psychology is divided into several sections. The person, the suit, the symbolism, the environment, and the associations of the Batman are all examined in detail, and set against the criminals that oppose him and the world the defines him, and all pass under the microscope of real life, modern psychology. Langley begins by discussing the historical Batman, and narrowing down all the different iterations and manifestations of the character, who, after all, comes from a comic book world in which death and life are fluid concepts, as is the nature of the multiverse itself. The great benefit of studying a character that has been around so long is that the student can take both a longitudinal and a cross-sectional approach. Usually when Langley refers to “The Batman” he means the 75 year old character, the most concrete and unchanging person that is Batman. After all, whether he is back from the dead, back from an alternate earth, or freshly rebooted, some things about Batman never change. But, Langley also often zooms right into a very particular instance, a very exact moment in Bat-time to examine a revelation or to make an observation, whether it is Adam West’s lampooned Batman, Christian Bale’s ultra-realistic Batman, or some comic book version. The juxtaposition of the two research techniques allows Langley, and the reader of his book, to compare and contrast yielding a multi-faceted view of an incredibly complex individual.

After establishing a few parameters and definitions, Langley subsequently evaluates the trauma (the death of Bruce Wayne’s parents, a constant of the Bat-narrative) and the persona (arguably, the defining characteristic: the Bat of the Man). This comprises most of Langley’s focus, and rightfully so, it is the heart of the character. Bruce Wayne endured one of the most horrific tragedies that a person can experience, and made a rather extreme choice that most people do not make. Why is the premier question, and answering it yields the most tantalizing information.

Following from that, Dr. Langley briefly discusses the nature of evil, that is, crime and punishment in Gotham City. Here most of the psychology is brought to bear as various psychological disorders, conditions, and issues are defined and debated as they relate both to Batman and his rogues gallery. This is the technical part of the book, full of the multi-syllabic terms one expects from a doctor of psychology.

Batman is not an island, and he must be viewed in his familial context: his surrogate sons (Robin and other sidekicks), his female associations (most notably: Catwoman), and his surrogate fathers (Alfred, among others). Human beings are social creatures and our company says as much about us as does our actions or appearance. No analysis of a person would be complete without such consideration, and that analysis Langley provides.

Dr. Langley does offer a Bat-diagnosis of sorts at the end of his book, concluding that Batman is most definitely not deranged, even if he is a little “crazy”. I mean, even Bruce Wayne would agree that “a man who dresses up like a bat clearly has issues” however, those issues are not really any different that those which affect ordinary people. Bruce’s issues are perhaps more magnified than most, but what do you expect from a guy who lives in a comic book?

I found Batman and Psychology very rewarding, in both scope and psychology. While I am not any sort of acolyte into the profession, I am a student of humanity and quite interested in the psychological field. I must say, however, that while the technical parts of the book aren’t incomprehensible, they could be confusing. [Author’s note: I don’t know if that constitutes a flaw with the book, or with the educational system of America. I have studied more psychology than the average Jane, so I don’t really know how someone with limited familiarity with psychological concepts would grasp the psychology presented.] I was also satiated with the banquet that Langley cooked up, in terms of the villains that he referenced and the many, many aspects of the Bat-universe that he referenced. Despite that, I occasionally felt like I was reading two separate books: one about Batman, and one about his antagonists. No book about Batman would be complete without at least talking about his number one adversary, the Joker, but I felt that a companion book that was focused on the rogues would have been better suited to an analyzation of their psychology and humanity. What was provided was simultaneously enough to make the point and not enough to do justice to the various characters. Granted, the Joker could be a series of books, but I felt he deserved a little more than he got, even in a book primarily about Batman. [Author’s note: I use the Joker here only as an example: he may be primary, but Batman’s other villains are just as convoluted.]

Batman and Psychology: A Dark and Stormy Knight is a fantastic read, and a great dissertation on a popular superhero, and I fervently hope that Dr. Travis Langley doesn’t stop here. There is much more to be said about the world of Gotham, and the worlds of Metropolis and the greater comic book multiverse. Hopefully a “Superman and Psychology” is coming soon, because if there is another guy with serious daddy/abandonment issues, it’s Clark Kent.

*You can follow Dr. Langley on twitter as the @Superherologist. [Author’s Note: Dr. Langley is my boss. This review was neither asked nor paid for by Dr. Langley. My reviews and opinions are entirely my own, and cannot be influenced by anyone.]

 

On Gender Inequality in Modern Myths

I am not a scholar of myth, ancient – modern – or in between, nor am I a professional historian, sociologist, or qualified authority on gender. What I am is a keen observer of people and things.

The world is changing.

In my lifetime, I have seen the rapid empowerment of women in my society go from a backswell to a prominent and unignorable fact. In like manner, I have seen the treatment of women in popular culture change radically. When I was a kid, there wasn’t much being said about the lack of female roles, or the lack of gender diversity. Today: it is sneaking in everywhere. And I am not that old.

This battle for gender equality in life and fiction started long before me, though I hope desperately that it may grind itself to a halt in my lifetime. I will be grieved indeed if it does not.

However, my own thinking in this area has undergone change, and sadly I confess that I am not completely there. But lately a few things have caught my attention and have turned the lights on for me. I want to discuss the portrayal of females in popular culture, as well as their roles in popular culture. By portrayal I mean: what they look like. By role I mean: what they do.

Portrayal. It is the stereotype, and still the dominant way of displaying a female within pop culture, as an icon of beauty, of sex, and little else. Personally speaking, I sexually prefer women, and I think the female body is powerfully beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Therefore, for me, it is very hard to separate my personal enjoyment of the female body and the effect that has on my perception of women. Generally speaking, when one objectifies something, it becomes more difficult to see that something for what it really is. When one gets into the habit of recognizing women only for their sex appeal, one has trouble seeing them as people. (I only use women here in this context, because, like I said, I am a person who sexually prefers women. That’s how I understand this paradigm best. I works for men who prefer men, men who prefer women, etc.)

To analogize a bit, I’ll put this in other terms that I am also quite familiar with. I use, and am quite a fan of, Apple products. That is iPhones, iMacs, iPads, iPods ad nauseum. I tend to objectify them, if I am not careful, and hold them up as exemplars of modern technological engineering. In certain cases, Apple has made some fantastic products. Some of them are quite good. But I can tend to see them as objects of beauty rather than what they are: a phone, a computer, a music player, a tablet, and really, when you get down to it, no better at their job than anything any other company makes. In this modern era what any piece of technology is able to do is pretty amazing. My point is that I see my iPod as a gorgeous object for something which merely allows me to experience my music.

Yes, I just compared beautiful women to iPods. I apologize. Please don’t send me hate mail or refuse to have sex with me (simply because of that). I only try to wake up the mind to what I am realizing: women are so much more than just a hot body. They are people, precious souls, and irreplaceable members of human society and advancement.

Consider this picture, a recent comic book cover:

Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman
This is the brand new, Issue #0 reboot of DC Comics’ Wonder Woman from last year, 2012. It tells me three things, visually. One: Wonder Woman has massive breasts. Two: she has a thing for chrome. Three: she can fly? To be clear, that is exactly what I am supposed to notice and in that order. When I first see the comic book, I won’t have time or capacity to read the title. There, staring me in the face, are breasts. Then I see other things, then I read “Wonder Woman” and go “well, yeah”. This is wrong. Wrong. I shouldn’t need to have a massive pair of mammaries thrust in my face for me to be interested in a comic book about a woman. What isn’t wrong is that she is beautiful. That is all well and good. But beauty is skin deep, culturally defined, and transient. What is really important about Wonder Woman? She fights for truth, justice, and gender equality. Her magic lasso makes it impossible for anyone ensnared in it to tell a lie. Wonder Woman fights crime. Wonder Woman, being a powerful woman herself, is very committed to making sure every woman is given respectful treatment. So why show her boobs first?

I’ve been aware of images like that my whole life. It didn’t really bother me or make a dent in my brain until very recently. Sure, I had an intellectual understanding that such comic book covers objectified women and that it was wrong, but it didn’t mean anything to me until this week when I saw another image. This is entitled Miss America and comes from Fan Art Exhibit.

Miss America
Miss America
This is a digital manipulation of a shot of Captain America from the recent Avengers film. Obviously the creator has merged a female body with that of Steve Rogers to give us Miss America. I noticed two things about this picture. One, she has a bare midriff. I have no idea why she also doesn’t have a low cut top and copious cleavage as that seems more standard for female superheroes, but she does have a bare midriff, which is Item No. 2 on the “Make Her Look Uber Sexy” checklist comic book artists apparently have. This is the image that lent a machete to my intellectual thicket. Why the hell would a soldier wear body armor of any type that leaves such a vital (to life) area of the body completely exposed. This makes no sense whatsoever. The “sexy for sexy sake” did not pass the “it makes sense” test for my brain and I short circuited. I could almost buy a super hero like Wonder Woman wearing less than a bathing suit because, usually, she has a Superman level of invincibility. Therefore, armor is irrelevant (even if her wardrobe makes no sense for other reasons). But a genetically enhanced super soldier leaving the gut exposed? No way. And two, why is she called “Miss America”? The artist named her so, but why not Captain America? Captain is a rank and is gender neutral. And then the lights flashed on and I went “Ooooh.”

Don’t judge me too harshly, please. My point here is that society my entire life has been feeding me this idea of women and it is hard to break. By the way, I do want to point out that men have it no better, but it is less kosher to point it out, mostly because, as a society, men still have a majority of the power and influence so it is boorish to whine. But, do walk through a comic shop sometime and see if you can find a realistic looking man on the cover of anything. Go ahead, I dare you. I could not look like Captain America as he usually looks any more than any girl could hope to look like Wonder Woman.

Role. Most women in popular culture are eye candy, the damsel in distress, or non-existent. They exist to look pretty, to be rescued so the man looks heroic, or they simply aren’t there. I really, really enjoy the Lord of the Rings, both in book and film form. Do you know how many females there are in the main cast, in the Fellowship of the Ring? 0. Nine males. How about the Hobbit, how many women in the main group? Yeah, 0 again. There are 13 male dwarves, a male hobbit, and a male wizard. Even in Star Wars the ratio is still 5 to 1. (Han, Luke, Chewie, R2, C-3P0 to Leia). And what does Leia do in the first film? Gets captured by men and gets rescued my men. In the Empire Strikes Back? Gets rescued by men. In Return of the Jedi? Tries to rescue a man, gets punished by way of brass bikini, gets rescued my men and male ewoks. I love Star Wars, but it has a gender equality problem. Only recently, and very slowly, has this changed. Even the mighty Joss Whedon, who elevated women so spectacularly in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was shackled when he made Avengers because, yep, women were outnumbered on the super hero team 5 to 1. But Joss did what he could and made that one woman one of the most important and smartest of them all. Men break things, men fix things, men are the heroes. That is the message I’ve heard my whole life. And not only does it not make sense, it is stupid, and ignores completely the role women have wrested for themselves at great cost. Even in our long, patriarchal history there were women who did great things and stood high above men, but mostly they are ignored or marginalized. For shame.

How did this happen? That is a very long discussion. But, I blame two things: biology and laziness.

Not to ruffle feathers, but you can’t argue with evolution. The male part of the human species, rather generally, has more muscle mass than does the female part. Way back when we were fighting for evolutionary survival, that mattered. Men led because men could kill more, hunt more, build more simply because they were stronger. And, because all who gain power fear to lose it, once women let men fight for the power, men never gave it up. The majority of societies built since our meager beginnings have been male dominated (to my knowledge). Once we, as a species, kill our predators, kill our food, and build a fire, we like to be entertained. So we tell stories. We are smart, but not that imaginative, so our stories reflect everyday life. They are about warriors, hunters, builders. And, since what we see every day are men in those roles, men take those roles in our stories, our legends, our myths. Hence, laziness.

Since the dawn of history, until now, very rarely have we as a species deigned to allow women into our myths in any significant way, just like in real life. Sadly, it is only recently, and then only a little, that this is changing. Modern comics, tv, film, books are the myths of old retold again and again. Why else is Wonder Woman the lone female member of the Justice League (in popular consciousness) why else is Black Widow the only female member of the Avengers (again, in the popular consciousness, I am vaguely aware that in the comics Wasp was also a founding member)?

Humanity is a species slow to change. It has taken me 25 years. It has taken us millennia. I hope not much longer before women are in power, realistically portrayed, alongside realistic men is simply the way of everyday life and the stuff of legends. I advocate not for a reversal of the binary, but a destruction of it. Men and Women are equal in every way that matters biologically speaking. We should be socially and mythologically as well.